Download PDF , by John Leland
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, by John Leland
Download PDF , by John Leland
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Product details
File Size: 14358 KB
Print Length: 258 pages
Publisher: Sarah Crichton Books (January 23, 2018)
Publication Date: January 23, 2018
Language: English
ASIN: B073P1HP8P
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Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
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John Leland wrote a well-received newspaper series about "the oldest old," people who are eight-five and up. "Happiness is a Choice You Make" originated from his year-long interaction with six individuals in their eighties and nineties. Some are ill, while others are relatively healthy, if you discount the aches and pains that afflict everyone sooner or later. Ninety-one year old John Sorenson has lived for forty-eight years on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, and still mourns his late partner, Walter. Eighty-seven year old Frederick Jones, who is diabetic and has a weak heart, lives alone in a walk-up (he has difficulty navigating stairs). Helen Moses, ninety, lives in a Bronx nursing home, and is thrilled that her fellow resident, Howie, whom she cares for deeply, is there for her. Ping Wong lives comfortably in a low-rent apartment in Gramercy Park and has a home attendant coming in to assist her. Ninety-one year old Ruth Willig is in an assisted living facility in Brooklyn, New York. Finally, Jonas Mekas, ninety-two, is a filmmaker and writer who is energetic enough to remain independent and active.Although "Happiness is a Choice" is engrossing, timely, and even darkly humorous, the writing could have been sharper, more concise, and less meandering. Still, Leland's work of non-fiction is worth looking at, for several reasons. Since life expectancy has gone up markedly, we should think about what it would be like to be octogenarians and even nonagenarians. How would we ward off loneliness; pay our bills; run a household; keep track of our medications; deal with relatives; cope with our dwindling physical capabilities; and find joy? The author does not sugarcoat the negatives. Some of his interviewees candidly state that they have had it, and are ready to call it quits. However, there are an ample number of upbeat messages here: Live in the moment, but cherish your memories; learn to give and take graciously; and try to adapt to the changes that come with advanced age. To sum up: "We can focus on what we've lost or the life we have now.""Happiness is a Choice You Make" is sometimes painful to read. It reminds us that if we are destined to live for many decades, we may be in for some challenging times, medically and psychologically. Still, it is enlightening to learn from people who have been around long enough to see the big picture. The most successful among the elders engage in pleasurable activities, maintain a certain amount of optimism, and stick with those relationships that are emotionally nurturing. An expert on aging warns that "social isolation kills," so staying involved with friends and loved ones is a key to boosting one's morale and remaining invested in the future.
Happiness is a Choice You Make is the account of a yearlong conversation between a New York Times journalist and six people who are among the “oldest old†in America. The journalist, John Leland, was 57 as of the the time of this writing, and going through his own challenges. He was hoping to learn from these elders, and to share his findings with us. He did both brilliantly.Leland writes with compassion, humor, and incisiveness. I knew I was home when, in the very beginning of the book, his elderly interview subjects answered his questions with platitudes or reminiscing about their youth, but he didn't settle for that. "...I was interested in what their lives were like now...How did they get through the day, and what were their hopes for the morrow? How did they manage...Was there a threshold at which life was no longer worth living?" He also writes with humor which leavens the weight of the topic.This was my main takeaway: It seems regular old people, not heroes or geniuses, but just everyday elders, might come to some ways of being that are essential for a good end of days (and might enhance our younger years as well.) What they know looks simple on the outside, but there’s an underlying complexity that takes a lifetime to develop and that the elders may not even sense they have. To them, it’s just life.Random highlights:--Leland writes, “Old age is a concept largely defined by people who have never lived it.†In other words, youth sees age-related decline and either recoils in horror/grief or conjures mythic fallacies to explain it. Yet Lelend, reporting back from the foreign land of the ultra-aged, says it's neither. It’s just a development. You work around it and keep living. No big deal.--The olders aren’t really wise. They’re just so experienced at adaptation that they do it without thinking, which is actually sheer genius. If we youngers weren’t so busy celebrating 90-year-old marathoners and other such freaks of nature, we’d notice the greater lessons available from and for more average humans.--The way elders see themselves holds the key to peace about what we fear in aging. For example: “...all (of the olders) seemed to redraw the line between what was acceptable and what was too much, pushing it just past their level of disability. Health problems that looked devastating to me looked to them like a part of life’s progress after 85--what was truly bad was always a step down the road.â€--Another example: We look at a widow and think, how horrible that she has to live every day knowing her husband is gone. But olders, while they may relive grief, spend more time remembering the good. And how often have we heard that memories from our early lives stay with us more clearly than the newer ones? What a blessing!--Another: youth might draw back in horror at the short time horizon elders know they have, but for elders, this shortened horizon enriches the enjoyment of the now. For youth, who may have a sprawling 50 years to live, they wonder which paths to take, how best to maximize their work, etc. They're tormented at every turn by critical decisions. In contrast, for elders, their time limitation serves as a tightly bundled blanket; comforting in a weird way. They don’t have to worry about moving to Los Angeles or freezing their eggs. They have only to maximize today.--Another: lack of a mate might seem like a relief rather than a tragedy. “I can serve my own needs; I don’t have to worry about or wait on anybody else. I have long blocks of time in which I can just think, or whatever.â€--Another: loneliness, like grief, regret, or frustration, comes and goes. It doesn’t define them. And rather than feel lonely, some decline may occur in the desire or need to socialize. I'm generalizing, but that seems like it would be a relief.These are random observations from the book. If I tried to highlight all the passages I found profound or valuable, it’d be pages and pages long. I highly recommend this book.
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